Realization
by sao21
Summary: A look into some of Ava's thoughts shortly after 3x05 Return of the Mack.


Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Realization

Everything is falling apart. Director Hunter went rogue and now good agents are dead. Damien Darhk is alive again. And maybe most surprisingly, Sara "Breaker of Time" Lance actually did the responsible thing and turned in Rip. The world has turned upside down and nothing makes sense.

I can't believe Rip would go to such extreme lengths. I know he's been obsessed with Mallus for a while, but I never thought he would be so reckless. And I can't believe he betrayed Sara. Even when he was putting the Bureau together and training us by using the so called "Legends" as great examples of what not to do, no one could miss the respect and admiration he has for Sara. His obsession must be worse than I could possibly imagine for him to break her trust like that. I could barely detect any remorse regarding the deaths that his actions led to. He was still so focused on proving that Mallus exists and that the ends justify the means, I barely recognized him. Why couldn't he have trusted me to help? I would have at least helped him come up with a better plan. Instead he's in handcuffs while the rest of us have to notify families and try to clean up this mess.

Sara looked so broken when she called to alert us of his whereabouts, and who can blame her when the man who murdered her sister was resurrected in part due to Rip's betrayal. I can't even imagine how difficult that must be for her. The strength it must have taken for her to not rewrite reality and instead return Darhk to his correct time when she knew he would kill her sister is more than I can imagine, but at least she knew that he would eventually be stopped, even if it was too late for her sister. But now he's alive again, partially because someone she trusted didn't trust her and betrayed her after asking for help.

God I can't believe I'm sympathizing with Lance. Maybe it's finally seeing a hint of vulnerability from her. I mean I know her history, I've read her file and spent years studying her and the rest of the "Legends", but I'd never actually seen her show a hint of all she's gone through. Usually the only things she has shown have been cockiness, stubbornness, and a ridiculous amount of disregard for rules and authority. Maybe it's the betrayal from someone who's supposed to be a friend that's wiped away that cocky smirk that must have always been hiding the pain from her face. Even after studying her life, I never would have expected to see that much hurt from her, and if she revealed that much pain to me, I can only imagine how much she feels that was still hidden. I just never expected her to reveal any sort of weakness around me, especially not after she risked her life, and the life of her crew and ship, in that stupid game of chicken; after that incident I never expected to see anything except an idiotic level of stubborn arrogance.

Maybe that was the problem.

After learning about all of the mistakes the Legends make, studying the ways that their recklessness endangered missions, maybe I only saw what I expected to see. After all, what kind of rule flouting, cocky idiot breaks into the Time Bureau headquarters, steals a ship, and makes an incredibly irresponsible and dangerous time jump from _inside_ the building? After that, maybe I just kept expecting her to make stupid reckless decisions, and most of the time she lived up to, or rather down to, those expectations, but I guess even though she didn't follow protocol, and definitely made some choices that were more reckless and dangerous than any agent of the Time Bureau would have approved of, she did have success with fixing the anachronisms with those hooligans she calls a team. After all, Sara and her misfits did eventually return the saber tooth tiger back where it came from, even if my most inexperienced agents would have been able to do it faster and without making it so much worse like they initially did. I just don't understand how they let themselves get in so far over their heads to begin with and not think to get some actual adults to help keep things from escalating so badly.

Ugh the Legends. I have no idea how Sara manages to keep all of them focused on the task at hand as well as she does. It must be like herding a group of toddlers who keep getting distracted by different shiny objects. I hate to admit it, but it's rather impressive that she's kept Mick from causing too much destruction throughout history; a less competent captain would probably have seen Mick go rogue and become ruler of his own island or be the cause of some other major anachronism. And it's not like Rip did any better when he was captain.

And after working with Gary all day, it's nice to interact with someone who doesn't seem terrified of me, even if most of the interactions are hostile. As much as I wish she would follow protocol and call in the Time Bureau when they're in over their heads, which is the majority of the time if I'm being honest, it is kind of refreshing to be challenged from time to time, especially considering that they do clean up their own messes for the most part. And not many people can hold their own when fighting with me, let alone fight me to a stalemate. It was actually kind of nice to fight someone so evenly matched. It has been so long since I didn't have to worry about holding back, part of me wants to ask her to spar with me except I know I would be tempted to cross the line from (semi) friendly sparring to an actual fight just to wipe that smug look that would invariably appear on her beautiful face.

Wait…beautiful face? Where the hell did that come from? I mean, I'm not blind. I know Sara is undeniably beautiful, but I've kept myself from thinking about it since the second week of training when we began learning about all of the Legends' mistakes. Why am I back to thinking about how beautiful she is and how bright her eyes are when she's arguing with me? She's an incredibly irresponsible, reckless, disrespectful, caring, loyal…

Oh my God, I think I have feelings for Sara Lance!


End file.
